The "F" Word pt. 1

Yes kids, I'm gonna talk about it. The word that can scare some, but excite others.



FUTURE.

I don't know about you, but I'm absolutely terrified about the thought of what can happen tomorrow. I think it's mainly because I'm so used to being in control of things, and the future is something I inevitably can't control. No matter how hard I can try, I can't prevent death or illness or injuries. Yes, I can control what I can do in a moment i.e. applying for a college, auditioning for a show, saying yes to a marriage proposal, etc. But that doesn't mean I'd be able to control what the admissions personnel would think of me because no matter how well I can talk about myself there's always the chance that I'm not good enough. Or the show, no matter how amazing I can sing a tune or present myself on stage, there's always that possibility of not being what the director is looking for. And the marriage, I can accept the proposal, but just because I say yes that doesn't mean it's a guarantee that we'll be together forever. What I'm really trying to say is the main reason why I'm mortified about the future is because there's always a possibility of failure. And I hate that. But failure is something I can save for another day.

But moving on, no matter how scary I think the future is, I still find the beauty in it. Yes, a lot of things don't go our way, but there are a lot of unexpected things that happen to us that can make life pretty damn awesome. There are so many surprises that happen to us daily and we don't even appreciate them. From the teacher pushing back a test, to the cute cashier flirting with you, to the person you haven't talked to in a while suddenly want to catch up. Obviously the big things in the future can also take surprising, exciting turns on grander proportions, which is quite lovely.

There are so many unforeseen things yet to come, even tea leaves don't really work (Divination, anyone?). The future is something unexpected and no matter how nervous it makes me, I've come to terms with it and learned to accept it with open arms.